TODAY'S TOPIC: UNDERWIRE
JAMIE: Today's meeting is now in session.
DEVOTE CHRISTIAN: Repent sinners! Believe in the Light and the Way! Jesus is the true king!
SMART ASS: Underwire? How are we supposed to talk about that? Most of us are guys! We don't even want to go near that topic.
IDIOTIC-BLONDE-POP-STAR: Look! Enough about the boobs! I'm telling you, they are so, like, one hundred percent natural! Just because they're 49 double E and hard as, like, a rock, doesn't mean they're fake! Really! You people are soooo immature!
MATURE PERSON: It's all right. I totally, like, sympathize with, like, you. Guys are so heartless when it comes to, like, female issues, like.
PILSBURY DOUGHBOY: Try my Grands Cinnamon Buns! They're grand!
MATURE PERSON: I'm almost, like, thinking about getting, like, a reduction, like. But, you know, that would cost a lot of money, like.
CONVENIENT CASH REGISTER NOISE: Ca-ching! Ca-ching!
SNOW WHITE: Oh, what cute little chairs!
POLITICALLY CORRECT: We must learn to accept our bodies. We are all equal, but we are also all unique in our own ways.
POLITICALLY WITH IT: Oh, just chop 'em off!
CONVENIENT EVIL LAUGH: Mwahahahaha! Wahaha!
SUICIDAL TAXIDERMIST: Don't even THINK about trying to force ME to be the one to give you surgery! My line is with animals! And that's after they're dead! Oh god, if I had to resort to doing surgery for a living, I'd...I'd kill myself! I mean it!
COWBOY: HAve you seen any injuns 'round these parts?
POLITICALLY CORRECT: The politically correct term is actually "Native Americans," not that other word.
SMART ASS: Actually, I thought that they'd updated it to "American Indian."
TWO YEAR OLD: I want my mommy!
PARANOID DENTIST: I see your plan this time. Try to confuse the blundering dentist with confusing terminology, and then come up and SMACK 'em from behind! Guess again, my fellow inmates! This time, I have TARTER CONTROL!!
MIME:
HIBERNATING BULLFROG: Glum grubbery mum.
VOICE IN BACKGROUND: Don't worry, it's our Summer Sales Drive!
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: Come in Star Command. I seem to have landed on a strange planet inhabited by all sorts of unusual species....Star Command? Star Command, do you read me?
DAT FAN: Two Asians walk into a bar. Two weeks later, they own it!
THE AUTHOR: You know what? I think Santa Clause it God. If you think about it, it makes sense. Take Santa. You can never see him, and he can be everywhere, all the time. Same with God. With Santa, if you're good for a while, there's a reward. Same with God.
SMART ASS: Did you know that we've been here for six hundred and twenty-four days?
POLITICALLY WITH IT: Really?
SMART ASS: Yeah, there's a banner on the wall that says so. Something too about...Premium? What's that?
THE AUTHOR: You realise though, that that number only counts for those origional few who FIRST came down the laundry chute.
IMMATURE PERSON: Ew! Who farted?! Oops, I smelt it, I delt it!
THE AUTHOR: So who was here origionally?
SMART ASS: Well, me and...
"POLITICALLY WITH IT: I was too. And the frog.
SMART ASS: And Einstien. And that little two year old kid. And that Liberal person who's always super politically correct.
POLITICALLY WITH IT: Then there was the mime, and that dude who thinks he's British. Was that it?
UNNOTICABLE ELEPHANT: me too i was here origionally
SMART ASS: There was also that person who always opens the meetings. I think that was it. So...what, nine people?
UNNOTICABLE ELEPHANT: i hate when you guys ignore me i was here the first day too remember
MARTHA STEWART: Why, I remember when I first came here...it was in total disarray. No fresh linens, no doilies...Ugh, well, I'm here now! Curtains in the window and the laundry chute...it's very comforting really.
SMART ASS: There must be at least fourty people in here now.
POLITICALLY WITH IT: Should we do another head count?
THE AUTHOR: Why don't we save that for next meeting?
CONVENIENT ANIMAL SOUNDS: Meow! Moo! Woof! Canary! Quack! Oink! Hee haw!
JAMIE: This meeting is adjourned.
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